Hello! This is the first time I am posting here, so sorry if I messed anything up. The quote is there because I couldn't come up with a title, so if there are any suggestions, I'd happily take them! Also, the giant spaces are for the perspectives switching back and forth from Kurt to Zisteau and vice versa. Occasionally, there might be another person's point-of-view, but I can't remember any specific parts of that at the moment.

“Memory was a curse, yes, he thought, but it was also the greatest gift. Because if you lost memory, you lost everything.” –Anne Rice, Blood and Gold

It was a beautiful evening. The perfect weather seemed to reflect the perfect mood Kurt was in. After months of hopelessly crushing on his best friend, said best friend admitted to having feelings for him as well. Tonight was to be the night of their first date.
He walked to the Lens to pick up Zisteau for their date. He stood on the ground and looked up. Zisteau was working on his wheat farm, the time apparently having gotten away from him. Kurt admired the way his friend could pull off such amazing builds.
He was about to ender pearl up when he heard Zisteau speaking, bringing him out of his thoughts.
“Come get some!” Zisteau uttered his catch phrase as he fought off a skeleton.
Kurt chuckled. Oh, Zisteau. He never got tired of hearing that.
Zisteau yelled, what Kurt first assumed was victoriously until he saw his friend fly through the air. Kurt tried to move, but he was paralyzed. He heard the loud thud as Zisteau hit the ground and he winced. He didn’t know what to do.
Guude walked by, heading home after an afternoon of recording and caving. He greeted Kurt and was about to keep walking until he noticed the tears in Kurt’s eyes and the way Kurt was shaking.
“Kurt, what’s wrong?” Guude asked, concerned. Although the space lover was generally quiet, Guude had never seen him like this before. When Kurt didn’t answer, Guude followed his eyes to see what he was looking at.
Guude immediately ran toward Zisteau. “Kurt, come here! Help me get him to a hospital!” Kurt, still in shock but finally able to move, grabbed Zisteau’s legs and he and Guude took him to a hospital.
Later that night, everyone had heard about what happened to Zisteau. All the guys rushed to the hospital. With all 25 of them in the waiting room, it was quite crowded. And very loud.
A nurse came in and said, “He can’t have visitors right now. He hasn’t regained consciousness yet!”
“We wanna see our friend!” said BdoubleO.
“Very well, but only a few of you at a time.”
Guude and Kurt, having already seen him, hung back to allow the others to see Zisteau, but BdoubleO turned to Kurt and said, “You should come in,too, Kurt.”
Kurt nodded and quietly followed.
Bdubs was one of the only people who knew about him and Zisteau, as Bdubs had practically forced it out of him one day a while back, and he wanted to keep it that way.
Eventually, as it got later, most of the guys said their farewells and headed home. The only two left were BdoubleO and Kurt. Once the guys had left, Kurt had pulled up a chair right beside the hospital bed and sat in silence, holding Zisteau’s hand. BdoubleO sat on the couch that was against the wall to the right of the bed. The two didn’t talk, Bdubs having nothing to say that could possibly cheer Kurt up.
The same nurse as before came in. “Oh, I wasn’t aware you two were still here. You should probably go. It’s way past visiting hours.”
BdoubleO got up to leave, but Kurt stayed where he was, tears streaming down his face.
The nurse calmly said, “Sir, you’ve got to go.”
Kurt turned to her, “Please, can I stay? I’m his boyfriend.” Not exactly the truth, but the truth was a lot more complicated than those three simple words.
Bdubs turned to the nurse, his eyes silently pleading with her.
“Oh alright, but just you!”
Bdubs nodded, said goodbye, and left, leaving Kurt and Zisteau alone.
Kurt had no intentions of sleeping that night, but he must’ve dozed off because he found himself awoken by a very familiar voice.
“Hello,” said Zisteau with a strange look on his face.
“Oh, Zisteau! Thank goodness! I have been so worried!”
“I’m sorry, but who are you?”
Kurt was shocked at this. His best friend didn’t remember him.
He called the doctor in and the doctor confirmed his worst fears. Zisteau had amnesia.
“How long will it last? Will he ever remember again?”
“At this point, it’s hard to tell. We’ll run some tests and see what we find out.”
“You’ll tell me, right?”
The doctor tried her best to reassure Kurt before she left the room.
“So, you’re Kurt?” asked Zisteau.
“And, uh, excuse me for asking this, but how do I know you?”
“We’re…” Kurt didn’t want to tell him about their relationship just yet. He didn’t want to overwhelm him. “Friends. Best friends, actually.”
“Oh, well, it’s nice to meet you, best friend.”
That statement really got to Kurt. He excused himself and ran to the bathroom. He didn’t know if he could handle this. No, Kurt, he scolded himself, you have to stay strong for him! He washed his face and then went back out to talk to Zisteau, putting what he hoped was a believable smile on his face. That night, the doctors ran tests and Kurt called Bdubs. As soon as he picked up, Bdubs knew something was very, very wrong and he headed for the hospital.
“So he can’t remember anything?” Bdubs asked, just to clarify.
“Nothing. He only knows my name because I’ve been here all day.”
“So what are you gonna do?”
“Yeah. You still have work. You can’t stay here forever.”
“Uh.” Kurt started to panic. “I hadn’t really thought about it. I know I have work. I know I can’t stay here, but I just need more time to cope.”
“Of course, sweetheart.” Bdubs gave Kurt a much-needed hug as Kurt began to shake, letting his fears and frustrations out through his violent sobs.
“Things will be okay, Kurt.”
“How do you know?”
“I just have a feeling, okay? And when I have a feeling, I’m usually right.” Bdubs winked at Kurt, which reminded him of that day…

Kurt was whistling as he took Wolfie for a walk. The sun was shining brightly upon him, but he didn’t care, nothing could ruin the great mood he was in.
BdoubleO was drinking coffee with Guude when he spotted Kurt from his window. Guude noticed he hadn’t finished his sentence and so he said, “BOO, what the heck? One minute you’re telling me about ideas for the Arena and then you just stop.”
BdoubleO, having not heard Guude, said, “That’s odd. I’ve never seen him like that before.”
“Who like what? BdoubleO, what’s going on, man?”
“Huh? Oh, Kurt. I just saw him walking by and he seemed…really happy.”
“Oh and that’s a crime now?”
“No, of course not! I’ve just never seen him that happy before.” Guude smiled at his friend. He could already see the wheels turning in his head, trying to figure out the source of Kurt’s happiness.
“Well, I’m gonna go, BOO. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay! I’m gonna go talk to Kurt.”
“Of course you are!” Guude laughed at his somewhat meddlesome friend. He didn’t know if Bdubs would get the answers he was looking for. Kurt was a very quiet, shy guy and he kept mainly to himself. But BdoubleO was a very determined, persuasive guy so maybe he’d get his answers. Guude shrugged off his thoughts and walked back to his house.
“Hey, Kurt!”
Kurt was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of BdoubleO’s voice.
“Uh, hey Bdubs!” he said.
“I saw you passing by and I thought that I hadn’t talked to you in a while, so here I am! Do you want to come in?”
“Uh, sure.” Uh oh, thought Kurt. He knows something’s up. He always knows.
Kurt was a very secretive person indeed, but for some reason he could never keep those secrets from Bdubs, but he didn’t mind. Apart from Zisteau, Bdubs was his closest friend.
Once inside, Bdubs poured two cups of coffee and then sat down. Kurt, once handed his coffee, tried to think of a way, any way he could get out of here before Bdubs got his secret out of him. He didn’t want anyone to know just yet.
“So Kurt, what’s been going on? Anything special?” Bdubs said with a twinkle in his eye. It was too late. He already knew something was up. He had always worn his heart on his sleeve and Bdubs was very good at reading expressions. Kurt decided to deny anything at first.
“No, nothing, nothing.”
Bdubs crossed his arms, an amused look on his face. “Nothing, huh? So you just can’t keep the wide grin off your face for no apparent reason?”
Kurt laughed nervously. “I-I’m just happy, Bdubs. It’s a beautiful day after all!”
Bdubs didn’t believe him at all, as was evident on his face. “C’mon, Kurt! Tell ol’ Bdubs what’s on your mind!” Then Bdub’s grin got wider, remembering the last conversation they had had.
“You were just with Zisteau, weren’t you? Did you tell him? What did he say?”
Kurt sighed. The inevitable had arrived.
“Yes. I went to tell him that I like him, but before I could say anything, he said he had something to tell me.” Kurt looked at Bdubs and he was grinning like an idiot. Realization struck Kurt.
“You talked to him, didn’t you?! BdoubleO, I told you not to do that!”
“He came to me for advice and once he admitted he had feelings for you as well, I told him the exact thing I told you: to let you know he feels.”
Kurt relaxed.
“When’s the first date?”
Bdubs jumped out of his seat, “Yes! YES! Ya little cuties!”
Kurt blushed. So Bdubs knew all along. That was the thing with Bdubs: he knew a lot, but he always kept it to himself, waiting to talk about it with him.
“Please don’t tell anyone else,” said Kurt.
“Of course! Your secret’s safe with me!” Bdubs said with a wink.

Kurt stopped crying. He looked up at Bdubs and mumbled, “Sorry. It just came as such a shock.”
“I know. It’s okay, Kurt.”
BdoubleO went home after that and Kurt sat alone in the hospital room, thinking.
Zisteau was brought back in and instructed to sleep, but once the doctors and nurses were gone, he said, quietly, to himself, “Man, I could go for some Belgian ale after the day I just had.”
Kurt looked up, hopeful. “What did you just say?”
Zisteau turned to him. “Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were here. It’s been a long day. I just said I could go for some Belgian ale right now.”
“That’s great, Zisteau! Do you know what this means?!”
“Uh, no,” said Zisteau looking extremely confused. “Should I?”
“You love Belgian ale! You always drink it while playing UHC.”
“I don’t know what that means…”
“Oh, right! I’m sorry.” Kurt had since replaced his excitement with worry.
“It’s okay. I’m going to go to sleep now. I’m really tired.”
“Sweet dreams.”
Kurt took his usual seat by Zisteau’s bed. He was alone with his thoughts, again. He knew this probably looked weird, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave Zisteau’s side, at least not yet.
There was a slight tap on the door and then Guude came in. Kurt looked up, embarrassed to be caught here.
“Hey,” said Guude.
“Hey. How did you get in?” Kurt asked.
“I said I was a friend of yours.”
“How did you know I was here?”
“BdoubleO sent me to check on you. He was worried that you would spend the night worrying instead of sleeping. It seems he was correct.”
Kurt blushed slightly. “I can’t help it. It breaks my heart to see him like this. I spoke about UHC today, stupidly forgetting he wouldn’t know what I was talking about.”
Guude took a seat across from Kurt. “It’s okay, Kurt. You’re being awfully hard on yourself. It’s gonna take some time to get used to.”
“But I don’t want to have to get used to it! I don’t want him to have to get used to it either! I just want my best friend back!” Kurt said louder than he meant to. They both glanced over at Zisteau to make sure he was still asleep. Thankfully, he was.
“Listen, Kurt, I can only imagine how hard this is for you, but I have high hopes that things will get better soon. It will take time and patience, but just keep your head up!”
“Thank you, Guude.”
“Now go home and get some sleep, guy! I’ll stay with him, don’t you worry!”
“Okay,” said Kurt with some hesitancy and he left the hospital.
Zisteau woke up to an unfamiliar person sitting in the spot Kurt usually sat in.
“Oh hello, guy!” said the man, noticing he was awake.
“Uh, hello. Where’s Kurt?” Zisteau asked nervously.
“Oh he went home to sleep. The man’s been by your side since you got here.”
“Oh,” said Zisteau. “Will you see him soon?”
“I should.”
“Well, will you tell him I want to talk to him?”
“Of course.”
Guude headed to the door when Zisteau called out, “Wait, if you don’t mind, who are you?”
“Oh, right. I’m sorry. I’m Guude.”
“Hi, Guude.”
“Well, I’ve got to go do some work. I’ll see you around, man.”
“Yeah. See ya.”
As Guude was about to open the door, Kurt walked in carrying a bottle of something.
“Well, it looks like I don’t have to tell him after all.”
“Tell me what?” asked Kurt.
“I just wanted to talk to you. That’s all.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Guude left while the two friends were talking to each other.
Kurt went to sit down in his chair, while Zisteau said, “What’s with the bottle?”
“Huh? Oh right! I got this for you!” He handed him the bottle, blushing slightly.
“Oh, wow! Belgian ale! Thank you so much!”
“You’re welcome! Now what did you want to talk about?”
“I have a question for you. What’s UHC?”
Whatever Kurt thought Zisteau would ask, this was not it.
“Oh, uh. It’s a little hard for me to explain. How about I show you instead?”
Kurt pulled his laptop from his bag. Though he had originally brought his laptop with the hope of doing some work at the hospital, he was very happy he'd be able to help Zisteau remember UHC with it, too.
He decided to show Zisteau Season 7 when the two of them had been paired together. Right from the start, Zisteau was into it. Kurt, having already seen, no, experienced it, settled for watching Zisteau. He looked so excited, but he couldn’t help wishing it wasn’t necessary for him to show the videos. That he could just remember on his own.
“So let me get this straight,” Zisteau said as he finished watching the first few episodes. “Both of us make a living playing video games?”
“Yeah,” said Kurt.
“Wow! That’s awesome!” He paused and then started again. “So how did we meet?”
Kurt started telling Zisteau all about how Guude founded MindCrack and how they had both been invited later on.
“So, all those guys in that first video, are friends of mine?”
“Yes. Except that’s not all of the members of MindCrack. Some couldn’t make it that season and some just don’t like to play UHC.”
Kurt said that he should probably get some videos recorded and Zisteau asked, “Kurt, may I borrow your laptop?”
“Of course.” Oh well, thought Kurt. I’ll just go home to work.

Zisteau started watching his Let’s Play on the MindCrack server. He was amazed at the creations he had made, but he was upset that he couldn’t remember actually building any of it.
As the weeks passed, Zisteau found himself becoming more and more frustrated. He had finished watching his Let’s Play and moved onto his old videos, but nothing came back to him. The version of him he was watching was so unreal to him and he became very depressed. Even the presence of Kurt didn’t cheer him up like it used to. He had been stuck in a hospital for weeks with no progress and with no one telling him anything and quite frankly, he was sick of it. He took Kurt’s laptop and when no one was around, he snuck out of the hospital.

Kurt had noticed that something weird had been going on with Zisteau for a while now and he decided he was going to talk to him about it.
When he got to his hospital room and Zisteau wasn’t there, he didn’t panic, not at first. He just assumed he was in the bathroom or something. Once he had disproven that theory, he began to panic. He called in the doctor and asked her if she knew where he was. The doctor said no and Kurt moved fast. He called Guude to help him round up the other Mindcrackers to search for him. He could be anywhere, thought Kurt. He doesn’t know his way around. What if something terrible has happened to him?!
BdoubleO arrived to the hospital first. He did his best to comfort Kurt, but nothing would comfort him. Nothing except finding Zisteau unharmed. Pause and Beef arrived next, followed by a slow trickle until all twenty-five guys were there.
“Kurt, what do you want us to do?” asked Guude.
Kurt, so used to Guude taking the lead, was taken aback. Then he remembered he had called them all here and he said, “I-I think we should split up and look for him. He doesn’t know his way around, so he could be anywhere.”
The guys divided into groups and quickly dispersed. BdoubleO and Guude stayed behind with Kurt.
“I don’t understand why he would leave. Does he realize how dangerous this is?”
Guude said, “Zisteau always looks for danger. My guess is that fact didn’t change even though his memory’s gone.”
BdoubleO said gently, “C’mon. We should probably get searching.”
Kurt nodded and they set off.

Zisteau knew as soon as he set foot outdoors that this was a bad idea, but he didn’t want to go back to the hospital. He looked at his surroundings. None of it looked familiar. It was getting dark out and he knew the monsters would be coming out soon, he had learned that much from watching his videos. He ran toward the nearest house he could see and he shut and locked the door. He didn’t know whose house he was in, but he didn’t think the owner would mind. Looking in the chests, he found food and he took some because he realized he was very hungry. He decided to take a nap in the bed.
“Did you find him?” Kurt asked the group eagerly as they all gathered back together again. It had been 12 hours since Zisteau had gone missing and the guys had been searching nonstop throughout that time.
“No,” Pause said.
“No, sorry man.” Etho said.
“Is there any place we haven’t checked?” Guude asked.
“Well,” said Nebris, “There’s still my base, but if he’s in there, it might take a while to find him.” It was true. Nebris’s base was huge and it was hard for everyone to navigate, let alone a person with no memory of the place.
“We haven’t checked my village area,” Beef said.
“Or my house by my giant sheep,” said Millbee.
“Thank you guys for your help. I’m going to keep searching, but if you want to go home and sleep, I understand.”
“No way, man! I’m here for ya, bro!” said Pause.
“Yeah, same here man!” said Beef.
Others left and soon the search party consisted of Guude, Bdubs, Pause, Beef, Nebris, and, of course, Kurt.
“I guess we should start with Nebris’s base,” said Kurt and the group headed that way.

Zisteau woke up to darkness. He didn’t realize he had slept so long. He had to leave though. He knew people would be looking for him and he didn’t want to be found just yet. He walked and walked for a very long time. He crossed through a jungle and had cuts all over his body from the tree branches, but he kept on. How big is this world?! he thought.
Night passed and luckily he hadn’t run into any monsters. He didn’t have any weapons, so he would’ve had to fight with his fists. He regretted leaving the house without taking supplies. He was getting hungry and he was out in the middle of nowhere. There were no trees around because he was in a desert. There were no animals either. Zisteau didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to walk anymore because he was too tired after walking all night and day.
“Why, oh why did I do this?” Zisteau asked. “I’m worse off here than I was in the hospital. Kurt’s probably so mad at me.” Kurt. Up until now, he hadn’t even thought about his friend. But now that he did, he began to sob. “Kurt has been nothing but nice to me and this is how I repay him? By running off? What did I think this would accomplish? That’s the problem: I didn’t think at all. Once he had cried all of his tears out, he fell asleep.

“Last place,” said Guude as they all headed to Beef’s village, which they had saved for last. Another night had passed and they were all so exhausted, but they kept searching for Kurt’s sake.
They searched and searched, but no Zisteau.
“Kurt, I’m so sorry, man,” said BdoubleO.
“I-I have to find him!” Kurt said with determination.
“Kurt, we all need to sleep. It’s been a rough couple of days,”
“You can all stay here for the night,” said Beef. “I have plenty of space.”
They all went to sleep. Well, everyone except for Kurt. He knew he was exhausted. He knew he should sleep, but he just couldn’t bring himself to sleep when he knew his friend was out there somewhere, probably cold and alone, all alone.
As the sun rose, BdoubleO came in and said, “It’s time for breakfast, Kurt.”
Upon closer inspection of Kurt, he gave him a disapproving look. “You didn’t sleep, did you?”
“I couldn’t, Bdubs! Trust me, I tried, but every time I closed my eyes, another worry would pop into my head. He’s out there somewhere cold and alone and probably hungry and I can’t do anything because I don’t know where he is.”
“We’ll find him, Kurt! I know we will! We can all meet up at the Arena and search some more, okay?”
“Okay-,” he sighed.
“Now come eat some breakfast!”
Once the guys had rested and eaten breakfast, they were determined to find him.
They headed back to the Arena where they were going to make plans and gather some more materials. As they crossed the desert, Nebris, always ahead of everyone else, called out, “I found him!”
The guys hurried over to Nebris. Sure enough there, lying on the ground, was Zisteau. After three days and nights, he was found. Kurt wasn’t filled with relief at the sight of him, though. He had scratches all over and bits of dry blood clung to his skin. He knelt down next to him to make sure he was alive.
“Don’t worry, Kurt,” said Nebris. “He’s only asleep.”
Kurt looked at him and, sure enough, he was only sleeping. He could see Zisteau’s chest heaving up and down, but he also saw the way his body was violently shaking.
“We have to get him back to the hospital. He chose a very bad place to sleep. He has a fever,” said Kurt.
The guys all followed Kurt as he carried Zisteau in his arms. They arrived at the hospital and took him back to this old room. The guys hung out for a while, but then, like last time, they slowly began to say their goodbyes and go home. BdoubleO was the last one there aside from Kurt. He got up and stretched,
“Well, I’ve got to go. You’ll let me know if anything happens, right?”
“Of course.” He gave BdoubleO a hug and Bdubs turned to leave.
“Oh and Kurt…?”
“Get some sleep, okay?”
“I will. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, sweetheart!”
“Good night.”
Kurt took his usual spot next to Zisteau, and began to relax. Zisteau was safe! He felt his eyelids begin to droop…

Zisteau didn’t remember being this comfortable when he had fallen asleep. He opened his eyes to find he was in that damned hospital room again, but it was okay. He would take being here to being out in the open any day, he realized that now. He looked around and spotted Kurt next to him. He smiled. Kurt looked so precious sleeping there, but he couldn’t imagine that chair was very comfortable. He quietly got out of bed, so he wouldn’t wake Kurt up, and he gently picked him up, moving him to the couch against the wall. He covered him with a blanket and placed a kiss on his forehead. He got back into bed and went back to sleep. He had been awake for a while when the doctor came in.
“What were you thinking, leaving here like that?”
“I wasn’t. I just couldn’t take being cooped up anymore.”
“Well, we had to make sure you were okay. You realize you have to be here longer now.”
“I know.”
“I’m glad you’re okay, though.”
“Me too.”
Once the doctor had made sure nothing was broken, she left the room to care for another patient.
Zisteau didn’t know what to do. He wanted to talk to Kurt, but he didn’t want to wake him. He realized he still had Kurt’s laptop on him from when he left. He opened it, went to YouTube and searched “kurt mindcrack”. Episode one popped up and he clicked on it. Three hours and six episodes later, he noticed Kurt stirring so he put the laptop away. He didn’t want Kurt to realize he had been watching his videos.
“Good afternoon, sleepyhead.”
Kurt blinked. He looked around the room as if trying to figure out where he was.
“How did I get on the couch? I don’t remember being here.”
“You weren’t. I moved you there so your back wouldn’t hurt as much.”
“Thanks.” Then, the look on his face changed to one of worry and a little bit of what Zisteau thought was anger. “Why did you leave?! I was worried sick! Do you know how long the guys and I searched for you?”
“I’m sorry, Kurt. I’m so sorry.” Zisteau said, tears forming in his eyes.
“Oh no. Don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“No. You have every right to be upset with me. I should have just talked to you, told you the truth.”
“What truth? Is everything okay?”
“No. The past few weeks, being cooped up in here, were miserable for me. I tried to get myself to remember you and the guys and MindCrack, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t and it was so frustrating. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to burden you.”
“Zisteau, you could never be a burden to me. I should’ve seen, I should’ve known.”
“Don’t be ridiculous! I tried to make it hard for anyone to see. Am I usually like that?”
“Like what?”
“Stubborn? Proud?”
“There’s nothing wrong with being stubborn. There’s also nothing wrong with asking for help.”
“I know. It’s just hard for me.”
“I know.”
The conversation ended there with neither of the guys really knowing what to say.

Kurt left to get some work done. The doctor saw him leaving and stopped him.
“You’re Kurt, right?”
“Could I talk to you about Zisteau?”
“We really don’t feel there is any more reason to keep him here.”
“So he can go home?”
“May I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“It’s been more than a month and there’s still no sign of him regaining his memory. Will he ever?”
“We’ve had many cases of amnesia over the years. A lot of times, it varies from person to person. Some people regain their memory right away, which, obviously is not the case with Zisteau. Some regain memories gradually. Sometimes, it takes a few months, but they get their memory back all at once, and some, well…some never get their memory back at all, but don’t lose hope, Kurt. He could still get it back.”
“Which do you think is most likely?”
“I honestly don’t know, Kurt.”
“What happens if he never gets his memory back?”
“Well that depends on him and his loved ones.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, he could make new memories and discover things he likes. Maybe they’ll be similar to old interests.”
“Thank you. Oh, one more thing.”
“What do I tell him if he asks about his memory?”
“Whatever you see fit.”
Kurt went home pondering the conversation he had just had with the doctor. He remembered he was supposed to call Bdubs.
“Hey, Bdubs.”
“Hey, Kurt. What’s going on?”
“Zisteau gets to go home.”
“Oh he does? Well, that’s great!”
“You don’t sound happy. Aren’t ya happy?”
“I am, it’s just that I also talked to the doctor about if he’ll regain his memory.”
“Oh. Does she think he won’t get it back?”
“She said she doesn’t know, but she said there’s a chance he won’t ever get it back.”
“Oh. Are you gonna tell him?”
“I wasn’t planning on it.”
“I think you should. It’s important. It pertains to his life.”
“True, but I don’t want to upset him.”
“Okay, Kurt. It’s your decision.”
“No problem, man. See ya later!”
Kurt went back to the hospital to let Zisteau know the good news. He went inside and found Guude and Bdubs talking to Zisteau. They looked up when he came in.
“Oh hey, guys. I didn’t know you’d be here.”
Guude stood up. “I’d like to talk to you, Kurt.”
“O-okay,” said Kurt nervously. Guude looked pretty serious. When they were out of earshot, Guude said,
“I don’t think Zisteau should go home.”
“Well, that’s not really my decision. The doctor said-,”
“No, that’s not what I mean.”
“Oh?” Kurt was confused now. “Then what do you mean?”
“To his home. To the Lens. It’s too dangerous.”
Kurt hadn’t thought about that. Guude had an excellent point.
“We should probably go talk to him about arrangements seeing as they involve him.”

Zisteau felt uncomfortable being left alone with BdoubleO. It wasn’t that he didn’t like him, it was more he didn’t know, or at least remember him, and he came on a little strong. He sighed in relief when Guude and Kurt came back in the room.
Kurt spoke first, “Zisteau, guess what? You get to go home.”
Home? Zisteau started to freak out. The place he had once called home was so unfamiliar to him. He had seen it in his videos, but he didn’t like the idea of being there. Of living alone. Plus, he didn’t even know where his home was located. Zisteau was brought out of his thoughts by Guude clearing his throat.
Kurt resumed speaking. “Well, not exactly.”
Zisteau became confused. “Huh?”
“Guude and I feel that your home, the Lens, is not safe, seeing as it’s what caused you to hit your head.”
What? This was news to Zisteau. No one had ever told him what had happened for him to be in this mess. He made a mental note to ask Kurt for more details later.
“So we need to decide where you can live.” Guude said.
“Well…uh... Nebris has plenty of space in his house. Maybe,-” Kurt said as BdoubleO said,
“The Observatory has a lot of room, doesn’t it, Kurt? He could stay there with you.”
Zisteau freaked out. For a while now, he had started developing feelings for his friend and he didn’t know how he could hide those feelings if they were in the same house.
Zisteau hadn’t heard Kurt’s response. He stopped listening altogether until he heard his name.
“Is that alright with you, Zisteau?”
“What? Oh yeah. Sure,” he said trying his hardest to sound casual. It must’ve worked because the conversation continued. Guude and Bdubs were talking about something involving a prank and Kurt was laughing.
It’s okay, Zisteau. Everything will be just fine. You can do this.

“You want what now?” Kurt asked Pause who had come to his house to talk to him after he had left the hospital. It was Thursday and they decided to have Zisteau stay at the hospital for one more night so Kurt could prepare the spare room in his house.
“I feel like we should have a surprise party for Zisteau to welcome him home!” said Pause enthusiastically.
“I don’t know, Pause. That might overwhelm him. He still doesn’t know a lot of you guys by name.”
“Why not give him the perfect opportunity to with a party?” asked Pause.
“Oh alright, but you have to do the planning.”
“YAY!” said Pause.
Kurt still felt very nervous about the idea, but he guessed it couldn’t hurt, right?

The next day Zisteau was extremely nervous. This would be the first time leaving the hospital since those few days when he ran away. He was worried he would be a bother to Kurt, living in the same house as him.
Kurt came in, looking just as nervous as he felt. It made Zisteau worry. Oh no. Is he already regretting saying I could stay with him?
“Hey, Zisteau! You ready to head out?”
“Yeah.” No. No. No. No. No.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Zisteau put on a fake smile hoping it would convince him.
“Alright. Well, let’s go then.”
They headed to a brick building, what Zisteau knew to be the Observatory from watching Kurt’s videos.
Kurt stepped in, turned on the lights, and 24 voices yelled,
Zisteau was shocked. He had not expected this. He wasn’t big on surprises.
“Welcome home, Z,” said a German half-Creeper, half-what? Terminator?
“Greeting, Zedsteau!” said Pause.
Kurt stepped in to explain, “There’s no Z in Canada, therefore they call you ‘Zedsteau’.”
“Oh. Hi.”
“Alright everyone. Give him some space,” said Guude.
“Thank you,” Zisteau mouthed to Guude.
Everyone was chatting happily and drinking, and Zisteau went to get a drink, not so much to join in the fun, but to get out of it.
He didn’t move from the bar the whole night. He occasionally spoke to people when they came up to talk to him, but otherwise he stayed still.
He occasionally caught bits of people’s conversations, but nothing caught his interest until he heard BdoubleO talking to Guude.
“Kurt’s really worried. He said the doctor told him there’s a chance he’ll never get his memory back.”
Those words hit him as if he’d been stabbed in the stomach. He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard, but certainly it couldn’t be true. Kurt would tell him something important like that, wouldn’t he?
He stood up, wobbling as he walked. He approached Pause and said, “Take me home.”
“Huh? Zisteau, this is where you’re staying.”
“I don’t want to stay here.”
“Okay, Zisteau. Whatever you say.”

Pause didn’t know what had happened to make Zisteau say such things, but he didn’t push. He took him to his house.
“Zisteau, are you drunk?”
“Yeah,” said Zisteau.
“Are you okay?”
“Am I okay? Am I okay? No, I’m not okay. My memory is gone and I just found out it may never return. Plus, I’m in love with my best friend, but I’m also very mad at him right now. Do you know how frustrating that is?! It’s fucking frustrating!”
“Wait, what? Slow down.”
Zisteau repeated himself and then sighed. “I just don’t know what to do.”
“Listen. I’m not one for giving advice or serious talks or any shit like that, but I think Kurt kept that from you because he didn’t want to hurt you.”
“You really think so?”
“Absolutely. He would never keep something so important from you for no reason. As for the part about loving him, why don’t you just tell him that? The worst thing he could say is he doesn’t return those feelings.”
“Thanks, Pause. Can I stay here tonight? I don’t want Kurt to see me like this.”
“Of course.”

Kurt didn’t know where Zisteau had run off to, but he hoped wherever he was, he was safe. He was starting to get worried. The party had ended hours ago, but Zisteau wasn’t with him. He was about to start calling people when there was a knock at his door.
He answered it. It was Pause.
“Come on in.”
“Before you get all worried, I just wanted to let you know Zisteau’s safe.”
“Where is he?”
“My house.”
“He was upset because he found out he might never get his memory back and you didn’t tell him. He was also drunk and he didn’t want you to see him like that.”
“Oh. Oh no. How did he find out?”
“I don’t know. Listen, Kurt, don’t be worried about him. I’m sure he’ll come talk to you when he’s ready.”
Kurt nodded. “Thanks for letting me know.”
“No problem, man.”

Zisteau woke up with his head pounding. He opened his eyes, but instantly regretted it because the sun was shining too brightly through the window.
Pause came into the room and said, “Good morning, Zisteau!”
Zisteau flinched at how loud Pause spoke.
“Oh, sorry man. Hung-over?”
“Very. Remind me never to drink that much again.”
“Done! So what do you want to do?”
“Sleep it off. That’s what I’ve always done for hangovers.”
Pause gasped. “Is that a fact?”
“You just said you always sleep off hangovers.”
“Oh my gosh. I did!”
“Can you remember anything else?”
Zisteau thought really hard about it, but he came up empty. “No.”
“Well, it’s a good start!”
Zisteau went back to sleep, but woke up abruptly after a few hours.
“What? Is everything alright?”
“Can you help me get to Kurt’s? It’s important!”
“Of course!”
Zisteau knocked on Kurt’s door. He had to act natural. He didn’t want to give it away.

Kurt opened the door and immediately hugged his friend. “Thank goodness you’re okay!” He saw Zisteau looking at him strange and asked, “What’s going-,” He was interrupted by Zisteau leaning in and kissing him. Kurt was shocked, but he recovered quickly and kissed him back.
“Gross,” said Pause with a huge grin on his face. He waved goodbye and walked away.
Kurt broke away, blushing, not knowing Pause was there. His attention was brought back to Zisteau when Zisteau spoke, “Why didn’t you tell me about us?”
“I-I was afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Afraid that because you didn’t remember, that you wouldn’t like me anymore.”
“Kurt, I was in love with you even when I didn’t remember anything else. In fact, I felt guilty for loving you because I thought you were just my friend and you wouldn’t feel that way.”
Kurt thought about that for a second before he realized.
“Wait, you remember?”
“Just a little. It all started early this morning when I remembered I like to sleep off hangovers.” He laughed. “But then as I slept, the memory of me professing my love for you came to me and I just knew it was a memory, not a dream. It seemed too real.”
“Zisteau, there’s something I need to tell you.”
Zisteau looked up at him. “What is it?”
“It’s something that’s been haunting me for a long time. Ever since…that day.”

Zisteau listened intently as Kurt told him the story of how he hit his head.
“Kurt, please don’t feel guilty. I probably would’ve reacted the same way.”
“I just had to tell you.”
“I’m glad you did. I had been meaning to ask you what happened myself.”
Zisteau was the happiest he had been since the day Kurt originally told him he reciprocated his feelings. True, he didn’t remember a lot, but he remembered something that was extremely important and even if he didn’t get his memory back, that was good enough for him.
“So how about that date?” he asked with a smile.
“I would love that!” Kurt said as they shared another kiss.



July 2013



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